LEONA’S BRAIN CANDY A treat for your brain Meant to make you smile Where else can you get so much delivered to you at no charge? ************ Unsubscribe directions at bottom   031005

This week’s riddle Answer at end of letter   I am the ruler of shovels. I have a double. I am thin as a knife. I have a wife. What am I? *****************

Quote of the week "People who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim." --Ann Landers Winners have simply formed the habit of doing things losers don't like to do. -  Albert Gray     ************

This week’s Brain Teaser Answer at end of letter   Picture an empty wine bottle with a cork secured at the top in the usual way.  Inside the bottle a metal ring hangs suspended by a string.  How is it possible to make the ring drop to the bottom of the bottle without touching the ring, the thread, the cork or the bottle.   *********************

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TABLE OF CONTENTS ·         Riddle of the week ·         Quote of the week ·         This week’s brain teaser ·         Joke of the week Dr. Seuss Explains Why Computers Sometimes Crash ·         Pun of the week ·         Limerick of the week ·         Celebrate this week ·         Say what? ·         The editor speaks out ·         A Web Site of Interest ·         Riddle answer ·         ‘Say what’ translated ·         Subscribe/unsubscribe information.      ******

Joke of the week You know you are a teacher if: You believe the staff room should be equipped with a Valium salt lick. You find humor in other people's stupidity. You want to slap the next person who says "Must be nice to work 8 to 3:20 and have summers free." You believe chocolate is a food group.   You can tell if it's a full moon without ever looking outside. You believe "Shallow gene pool" should have its own box in the report card. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says "Boy, the kids sure are mellow today. When out in public you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior.   You have no life between August to June. When you mention "Vegetables" you're not talking about a food group. You think people should be required to get a government permit before being allowed to reproduce. You wonder how some parents ever MANAGED to reproduce.   You believe in aerial spraying of Prozak. You believe no one should be permitted to reproduce without having taught in an elementary setting for the last 10 years. You've ever had your profession slammed by someone who would "Never DREAM" of doing your job. You think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.   You know you are in for a major project when a parent says "I have a great idea I'd like to discuss. I think it would be such fun." You want to choke a person when he or she says "Oh, you must have such FUN everyday. This must be like playtime for you." Meeting a child's parent instantly answers the question "Why is this kid like this?"   ***************

Dr. Seuss Explains Why Computers Sometimes Crash Read this aloud, if you can!) If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted at a very last resort, and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report. If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is corrupted cause the index doesn't hash, then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!! If the label on the cable on the table at your house says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel to another protocol, that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall. And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse; then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, 'cuz sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang! When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy in the disk, and the macro code instructions cause unnecessary risk, then you'll have to flash the memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM. Well, quickly turn off your computer, And run and tell your mom!

Pun of the Week 1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, Gentlemen. Only one carrion allowed per passenger."       2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.                        *******************

Limerick of the week   There was a young lady named Slater Who married an old alligator. The night that they wed They climbed into bed, But rather than mate her, he ate her.   **********************

Cynic’s Corner How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? There are two kinds of pedestrians -- the quick and the dead. **************************

Celebrate 6    Yom Kippur            1889 Thomas Edison shows his 1st motion picture             1866 1st train robbery in US             1973 Yom Kippur War begins as Syria & Egypt attack Israel 7      1604 The supernova called "Kepler's nova" is 1st sighted  1959 Far side of Moon seen for 1st time, compliments of USSR's Luna 3         1849 Edgar Allen Poe poet, dies in Balt at 40           8     1912 1st Balkan War begins        1871 Great Fire kills 200, destroys over 4 miles (10 km) of Chicago buildings, & original Emancipation Proclamation          1840 1st Hawaiian constitution proclaimed 9   Invasion of North Korea 1950      1930  Laura Ingalls became the first woman to fly across the United States.      1000 Leif Ericson discovers "Vinland" (possibly New England)      1877 American Humane Association organized in Cleveland      1984 Kathy Sullivan becomes 1st US woman to walk in space      Hong Kong : Confucius' Birthday      Minnesota : Leif Ericsson Day (c 1000) 10  1985  Actor and director Orson Welles died in Hollywood at age 70.        1943 Chiang Kai-shek takes oath of office as president of China        1979 Panama assumes sovereignty over Canal Area (ie Canal Zone)        Japan : Health-Sports Day (1964)       Oklahoma : Historical Day (1802)       South Dakota : Pioneers' Day   11     1899 The Boer War began in South Africa.             1939  A letter from Albert Einstein was delivered to President Franklin D. Roosevelt concerning the possibility of atomic weapons.           1968  The first staffed Apollo mission, Apollo 7, was launched with astronauts Wally Schirra, Donn Fulton Eisele, and R. Walter Cunningham aboard.             1809 Meriwether Lewis capt of Lewis & Clark Expedition, dies at 35             1890 Daughters of the American Revolution founded 12   Columbus Day        1492  Columbus landed in present-day Bahamas.        1920 Man O'War's last race & win        Spain : National Day    13    Columbus day observed              1775   The Continental Congress authorized the construction of a naval fleet.               1974    Ed Sullivan died in New York City at age 72.                 1860 1st aerial photo taken in US (from a balloon), Boston              1963 "Beatlemania" is coined after the Beatles appear at the Palladium  14               1066 The Normans, under William the Conqueror, defeated the                                       English at the Battle of Hastings. 1947  U.S. Air Force Captain Charles "Chuck" Yeager became the first     person to travel faster than the speed of sound. 1960 Peace Corps 1st suggested by JFK 1968 1st live telecast from a manned US spacecraft (Apollo 7)  15     1789 1st presidental tour-George Washington in New England           1878 Edison Electric Light Company incorporated              1928 German dirigible "Graf Zeppelin" lands in Lakehurst, NJ           1949 Billy Graham begins his ministry           1989 Billy Graham is given the 1,900th star on Hollywood Blvd ********************

Fun Facts Ever wondered why the Chinese roads are extremely crooked. Well, it's said that crooked roads helps the traveler give the evil spirits a slip. Can't evil spirits travel in the crooked road, you may question? It is said that these evil spirits are capable of traveling only in straight line and crooked roads make them lose their way. Well, the less romantic explanation is that crooked roads make traveling easier on the hills. There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.   **************

Say What? A canine which gives vent to his sentiments by a series of vocal efforts, rarely finds use of his bicuspids. **************

The editor speaks out      I have an apology to make.  The man without a face story may or may not be true, but it is not Mel Gibson.  The person who mailed it to me believed it to be true, and I didn't think to check it out.   It is a great inspirational story, anyway.  A quick thinking reader sent me a correction, so only 300 people received the wrong version of the story.       Killer is growing up and beginning to act like a proper lady.  Pirhana is no longer her favorite game and my hands and arms are beginning to heal now that she isn't using them for a chew toy.   We are giving her lots of bones to chew, and that makes a big difference.    Of course she is the queen of the house.  Everything that hits the floor becomes her property instantly.  While making my lunch last week a flowerette of broccoli hit the floor.  I don't think she ate it, but she played with it for a day.  She loves ice cubes. Grapes are tiny balls until she accidentally smashes them. My shoes have to go up on a shelf if I don't want them chewed.     Watching the dog and the cats is a lot of fun.  The momma cat insists on sleeping in the dog's bed, and Killer hates it.  The cat tries to show she gets more attention, but I make them share my lap.  Killer is quick to try to protect her toys from the cat, but sometimes she tries to make peace, and then she tries to get the cat to play with one of her toys.  Then the cat ignores her.  The cat is only interested if she can make Killer jealous.       Killer likes to play fetch for a while, and will throw things for herself and chase them if I am busy.  Watching her play alone is almost as much fun as watching the cat and dog work to make the other jealous.       This week I start the next step in my plan to get back on my feet workwise, even if my knees don't cooperate.  I am expecting to receive the stock to start selling personalized books.  I want to start with parties in peoples homes, and work up from there.  I really like this product, and believe it is a great buy, so I think it will sell well.  Today I printed up order forms.  Later I want to print out the party offers.  I have some nice flyers ready, too.  Now it is just a matter of paperwork for a resale number and a local business license.  And of course, I need people to have parties.  I figure I have enough time for two or three parties a week until the semester is over. *************

A web site of interest This is a Christian site http://www.bibliomania.com/ ***************

Riddle Answer The king of spades   *************

Brain Teaser Answer By using a magnifying glass and the sun's rays you can burn through the string and consequently cause the ring to drop to the bottom of the bottle *****************

Say what’ translated A barking dog seldom bites. *****************

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You read about all these terrorists--most of them 

came here legally, but they hung around on these expired 

visas, some for as long as 10-15 years.  Now, compare that 

to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and those

people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge

 of immigration

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