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July 24 July 30
LEONA’S BRAIN CANDY
A treat for your brain
Meant to make you smile
Where else can you get so much delivered
to you at no charge?
************
030724 |
This
week’s riddle
Answer at end of
letter
A farmer and
his hired help were carrying grain to the barn. The farmer carried one
sack of grain and the hired help carried two sacks. Who carried the
heavier load and why?
*****************
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Quote of the week
Do not wait for extraordinary
circumstances to do good; try to use ordinary situations.
Jean Paul Richter (1763 - 1825)
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This week’s Brain Teaser
Answer
at end of letter
Professor Frostbite was
in Antartica gathering climate data which he relayed to his home base by
radio. One morning he reported the temperature as minus forty degrees.
The person receiving the data was a new operator and he asked the
professor if that was farenheit or celcius.
The proffessor replied,
" I don't care which scale you use, just be sure to get it down that it
reached minus 40."
Why would an emminent
scientist be so careless about his data.
*********************
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| TABLE OF
CONTENTS
·
Riddle of
the week
·
Quote of
the week
·
This
week’s brain teaser
·
Joke of
the week
·
Pun of the
week
·
Limerick
of the week
·
Celebrate
this week
·
Say what?
·
The editor
speaks out
·
A Web Site
of Interest
FWD FWD
balloon seller
·
Riddle
answer
·
‘Say what’
translated
·
Subscribe/unsubscribe information.
****** |
|
Joke of
the week
A
little old man stumbles into a biker bar and asks, "Does anyone knows
who's Doberman Pincher is outside chained up?
The burliest, ugliest and hairiest guy in the joint stands up and
mutters, "It's mine old timer? What's it to you?"
"I hate to be the bearer of such dreadful news, but I believe the poor
beast has passed on," explained the old man.
"What? Are you sure? How did he die?" asked the shocked biker guy. "It
seems that my dog killed him, I'm sorry to say," replied the old man.
"I don't buy it," remarked the biker in disbelief, "No dog could beat my
Brutus.
"It's true, my Gunther killed him."
"Oh yeah? Well, what kind of dog is your Gunther, anyway?"
"A Chihuahua," answered the old man.
"There is no way that a measely little Chihuahua could have killed
Brutus. No way."
"If you don't believe me, take a look for yourself," instructed the man,
"It looks like Brutus tried to swallow him whole and choked to death."
*************** |
Pun
of the Week
A little old lady is on a bus, buying a ticket from the bus
conductor, fumbling in a voluminous bag for the correct change. After 15
minutes the conductor becomes so enraged that he hits her on the head
with the ticket-dispenser, and the poor old dear dies instantly.
Not surprisingly, he is convicted and put on death row. Just before
he is to be electrocuted, his last request is for 12 pounds of bananas,
which he devours. They strap him into the chair, flip the switch, and he
just sits there, smiling.
According to tradition, this is considered a reprieve from God and he
is freed. Somehow he gets a job as a bus conductor in a nearby city, and
he is happily dispensing tickets when he sees a girl stick her gum on
the back of a seat on the bus. Enraged, he lunges out with the ticket
dispenser, breaking the offender's neck and killing her.
Again, he is convicted and sent to death row. He again eats the 12
pounds of bananas, and lo and behold, the electricity does not harm him.
This time the executioner cleans the contacts, makes him sit in a
bucket of water, he tries everything - but the conductor won`t die. So
again, he is set free.
Amazingly he gets hired by another bus company. It takes him 1 day to
lose his temper and beat to death a young boy who starts to chew his bus
ticket.
He returns to death row, eats the bananas, and survives the
electrocution.
At this point, the executioner can take no more - his professional
pride has been hurt. Before setting our friend free again, he asks him
his secret - "what is it with the bananas?"
"Oh, the bananas have nothing to do with it", replies our friend.
"I'm just a bad conductor."
******************* |
Limerick of the week
There was a young man from the city,
Who saw what he thought was a kitty.
To make sure of that
He gave it a pat.
They buried his clothes; what a pity.
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Cynic’s Corner
When everything is coming your way,
you're in the wrong lane.
Steven Wright.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time
you'll have to catch up.
Steven Wright.
The only difference between a rut and a
grave is the depth.
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to
use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
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Celebrate
24 Machu Pichu
Discovered 1911
Aviator
Amelia Earhart born 1898
Congresswoman Bella Abzug born 1920
25 Lowest
temperature recorded 1983
Constitution Day In Puerto Rica
Theatrical Genius David Belasco born 1859
Longshoreman turned Philosopher, Eric Hoffer, born 1902
26 Americans With
Disabilities act 1990
Postal
system established in America 1775
Benjamin Franklin appointed first Postmaster 1775
New
York became the 11th State 1788
27 Insulin
Discovered 1921
First
permanent Atlantic cable completed 1866
Korean War ended 1953
28 World War 1
Began 1914
Annual Pony-Penning Festival, Chincoteague Island, Virginia
Constitutional Amendment XIV, granting citizenship to Negros
adopted 1868
Singer Rudy Vallee born 1901
29 NASA created
1958
Author Booth Tarkington born 1869
First
transcontinental telephone line tested 1914
30 First U. S.
Legislative Assembly 1619
Industrialist Henry Ford born 1863
United
States joins UNESCO 1946
Economist Thorston Veblen born 1857
31 U. S. Patent
office opened 1790
First
Patent registered in US, awarded to Samuel Hopkins of Vermont
for a
potash manufacturing process.
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Fun
Facts
 |
Abraham Lincoln had no love for favor seekers,
especially when they took his time away from the duties of the
presidency during the Civil War. On one occasion, he gathered together
a number of would- be-office holders and told them this story:
|
"There was once a King who wished to go out
hunting, so he asked his minister if it was going to rain. The minister
assured him that it would not. On the way to the woods, the King passed
a farmer who was working the land with his donkey. The farmer warned the
King that it would rain soon, but the King just laughed and continued
on. A few minutes later it was pouring, and the King and his companions
were soaked to their skin. Upon return to the castle, the King dismissed
his minister and sent for the farmer. He asked the man how he knew it
was going to rain.
""It was not me, your Majesty. It was my donkey.
He always droops one ear when it is going to rain."
"So the King bought the donkey from the farmer and
gave him the position of minister at court. This was where the King made
his mistake."
"How was that," asked several people in the
audience.
"Because ever since
then," Lincoln continued, "every jackass wants an office. Gentlemen,
leave your credentials and when the war is over you'll hear from me."
************** |
|
Say
What?
If a
large solid-hoofed mammal becomes available to you without compensation,
refrain from casting your faculty for seeing into the oral cavity of
such a creature.
************** |
The editor speaks out
I am happy to be officially up and running as a
weekly ezine as of today. The previous issues were a trial run to see
if I could gather interest for the ezine. This is officially issue one.
One great thing about starting this is that I am regaining contact with
many people I had lost contact with. I hadn't expected that. and it has
been fun.
Plus I am meeting new people. I am happy to
have recieved letters from some of you. I always appreciate
suggestions, and love knowing what your favorite parts of braincandy
are.
I also love knowing how far away Leona' Brain Candy
is going. We have one subscriber in India. and several from about 10
different states.
I am expanding my exposure of the newsletter at my
website.
www.leonashappyplace.com
I am going to
increase my hoax warning page, so any of you can easily check out an
email you get if you want to. I will still check out all that are sent
to me and send out alerts.
This weeks FWD FWD
was in text, so I gave it a box in the newsletter instead of sending a
separate attachment. If this causes a problem, let me know.
I am looking forward
to getting to know all of you. Write if you havent already. I promise
to answer you as soon as I can.
************* |
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A web site of interest
Here is a cool site to
send to anyone who needs a lift. Someone spent a lot of time here and
did a really great job:
http://www.qnet.com/%7Epontius/smile/smilelmp_1%5b1%5d.htm
If clicking on the address
doesn't take you there try copying and pasting the address to your
addresss bar.
*************** |
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FWD FWD
balloon seller
A young black boy saw a balloon
seller on a street corner.
His eyes sparkled as he gazed at
all the different colored
balloons - red, blue, white,
black, yellow...
The old man
selling the balloons saw the boy hesitate, then gather his courage and
approach.
"Tell me mister," said the boy,
"Do the black balloons fly
as high as the others?"
The old man
felt a tear forming in his eye. He picked the boy up, sat him on his
knee and said, "Look."
He let go of
all the balloons. They drifted up in a cluster, higher and higher into
the blue sky, until they were so high they disappeared.
"Did you see that?" the balloon
seller asked.
"Yes," said the boy.
"Did the black balloons fly as
high as the others?"
"Yes, Mister, they did."
"You see my
boy, the balloons are like people. The important thing isn't their
color, or what they look like on the outside.
No, the important thing is WHAT'S
INSIDE.
And what's inside you makes all
the difference in life."
******************* |
Riddle
Answer
The farmer's load was heavier. His
hired help only carried two sacks, while the farmer carries one sack,
but his sack is a sack of grain. The hired help only carried 2 sacks -
both empty
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Brain Teaser Answer
Minus forty degrees is the
only place where the two scales read the same temperature. Minus 40
degrees celcius is exactly the same as minus 40 farenheit.
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|
Say
what’ translated
Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth
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|
Subscribe/Unsubscribe
information
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Go to Top of Page
LEONA’S BRAIN CANDY
A treat for your brain
Meant to make you smile
Where else can you get so much delivered
to you at no charge?
************
030730 |
This
week’s riddle
Answer at end of
letter
"I never was, am
always to be,
No one ever saw me, nor ever will
And yet I am the confidence of all
To live and breathe on this terrestrial ball."
Hint: It never comes
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Quote of the week
Nearly all men can stand adversity,
but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.
Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865)
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This week’s Brain Teaser
Answer
at end of letter
There are two ships of
equal size and strength. One is made of wood and the other of steel.
Can you tell which one is heavier and why?
*********************
|
| Welcome to Leona's Brain Candy .
If you choose to forward part of
braincandy, please forward the whole letter. Then your friends can sign
up for the free screensaver also. |
| TABLE OF
CONTENTS
·
Riddle of
the week
·
Quote of
the week
·
This
week’s brain teaser
·
Joke of
the week
fwd fwd A True Story
·
Pun of the
week
·
Limerick
of the week
·
Celebrate
this week
·
Say what?
·
The editor
speaks out
·
A Web Site
of Interest
·
Riddle
answer
·
‘Say what’
translated
·
Subscribe/unsubscribe information.
****** |
|
Joke of
the week
A man in his 40's bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate
for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing
through what was left of his hair, and he decided to open her up. As the
needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights
behind him. "There's no way they can catch a BMW," he thought to himself
and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.... then the reality
of the situation hit him. "What the heck am I doing?" he thought and
pulled over.
The cop came up to him, took his license without a word, and
examined it and the car. "It's been a long day, this is the end of my
shift, and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if
you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before,
you can go." The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife
ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back."
"Have a nice weekend," said the officer.
***************
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fwd fwd A True Story
A lady in a faded gingham dress and her husband,
dressed in a homespun threadbare suit, stepped off the
train in Boston, and walked timidly without an
appointment into the Harvard University President's
outer office. The secretary could tell in a moment
that such backwoods, country hicks had no
business at Harvard and probably didn't even deserve
to be in Cambridge.
"We want to see the president," the man said softly.
"He'll be busy all day," the secretary snapped.
"We'll wait," the lady replied. For hours the secretary
ignored them, hoping that the couple would finally
become discouraged and go away. They didn't and the
secretary grew frustrated and finally decided to
disturb the president, even though it was a chore she
always regretted.
"Maybe if you see them for a few minutes, they'll
leave," she said to him. He sighed in exasperation and
nodded. Someone of his importance obviously didn't have the time to
spend with them, but he detested
gingham dresses and homespun suits cluttering up his
outer office. The president, stern-faced and with
dignity, strutted toward the couple..
The lady told him, "We had a son who attended Harvard
for one year. He loved Harvard. He was happy here. But
about a year ago, he was accidentally killed. My
husband and I would like to erect a memorial to him,
somewhere on campus."
The president wasn't touched..... He was shocked.
"Madam," he said, gruffly, "we can't put up a statue
for every person who attended Harvard and died. If we
did, this place would look like a cemetery."
"Oh, no," the lady explained quickly. "We don't want to
erect a
statue. We thought we would like to give a building to
Harvard." The president rolled his eyes. He glanced at
the gingham dress and homespun suit, then exclaimed, "A
building! Do you have any earthly idea how much a
building costs? We have over seven and a half million dollars in the
physical buildings here at Harvard."
For a moment the lady was silent. The president was
pleased. Maybe he could get rid of them now. The lady turned to her
husband and said quietly, "Is that all
it costs to start a university? Why don't we just
start our own?"
Her husband nodded.
The president's face wilted in confusion and bewilderment. Mr. and Mrs.
Leland Stanford got up and
walked away, traveling to Palo Alto, California
where they established the university that bears their
name, Stanford University, a memorial to a son that
Harvard no longer cared about.
You can easily judge the character of others by how
they treat those who they think can do nothing.
A TRUE STORY ----- by Malcolm Forbes
************* |
Pun
of the Week
|
A fellow goes
to his dentist complaining that something feels very wrong in his
mouth. The dentist takes a look and shakes his head saying, "That
new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is completely
disintegrated. Something has eroded it almost completely away.
What have you been eating?"
The fellow replies, "Well, all I can think of is that about four
months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it
she called Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much that now I eat it
on everything; my meat, my fish, on vegetables, on toast....on
everything!"
"Well," said the dentist, "that’s the answer. Hollandaise sauce is
made with lots of lemon juice which is highly corrosive and that
has eaten away your upper plate. I’ll have to make you a new one
and this time I’d better make it out of chrome."
"Why chrome?" asked the patient.
To which the dentist replied, "It’s simple. Everyone knows there’s
no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!" |
******************* |
Limerick of the week
Robert D. Cowan
There once was a fly on the wall
I wonder why didn't it fall
Because its feet stuck
Or was it just luck
Or does gravity miss things so small?
********************** |
Cynic’s Corner
Steven Wright
The colder the x-ray
table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
How do you tell when
you're out of invisible ink?
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Unknown
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
************************** |
|
Celebrate in July
30 First
U. S. Legislative Assembly 1619
Industrialist Henry Ford born 1863
United States joins UNESCO 1946
Economist Thorston Veblen born 1857
31 U. S.
Patent office opened 1790
First Patent registered in US, awarded to Samuel Hopkins of
Vermont for a potash manufacturing process.
Tennis Champion Evonne Goolagong born 1951
In
August
1
Native American festival of green corn
Author Herman Melville born 1819
Colorado became the 38th state 1876
First Successful cross country auto trip completed in SF 1903
Francis Scott Key born 1799
2
First on the street mailbox, Boston, 1858
1st Lincoln penny issued 1909
U S Army Air Corp founded 1909
3
Christopher Columbus Set sail 1492
In first intercollegiate rowing race, Harvard beat Yale, 1853
4 England
entered WWI 1914
U S Coast Guard Day US Coast Guard founded 1790
Chautauqua Literary and Scientific Circle founded, 1874
Virgin Islands bought for $25,000,000 in 1916
5 Neil
Armstrong’s birthday 1930
First Federal Income tax signed into law by Lincoln 1861
Sir Humphrey Gilbert established first English colony in
North America 1583
6 Bomb
dropped on Hiroshima 1945
Comedian
Lucille Ball born 1911
Judge Crater of the NY State Supreme Court disappeared 1930
7 U
S War Department Established 1789
United Nations diplomat Ralph Bunche born 1904
First Ship on Great Lakes – Le Griffon launched 1697
International Peace Bridge between US and Canada opened 1927
******************** |
|
Fun
Facts
Ants
stretch when they wake up. They also appear to yawn in a very human
manner before taking up the tasks of the day.
It costs more to buy
a new car today in the United States than it cost Christopher Columbus
to equip and undertake three voyages to and from the New World.
************** |
|
Say
What?
Each vaporous mass suspended in the firmament has an interior decoration
of metallic hue.
************** |
The editor speaks out
We have
been suffering a long heat wave here in my part of California. On the
days when clouds have kept the temperature from going above 105, the
humidity has made it even more uncomfortable than the sunny days when it
reached 110. I have taken to getting up early to get a short walk in
while it is still cool, and both my husband and I manage a siesta
through the worst of the day.
Even
though the stores are air-conditioned, they are no relief during the
heat of the day. They feel cool when I first walk in, but within a few
moments I am drenched with sweat as I walk my basket up and down the
aisles.
Two years
ago my husband put a trellis like cover over part of our mobile
home roof and we started grapes, honeysuckle and other climbing vines to
cover the front half of the trailer. Mobile homes are notorious for
getting hot quickly in the summer. The walls are just too thin to hold
the heat out. But now we have a living shade over almost half of the
trailer. That plus the shade from the nearby trees really makes a
difference. We aren't staying as cool as people with well insulated
houses, but we aren't baking like we used to. And the huge clusters of
grapes hanging over the porch are a nice bonus. Of course we pay extra
on our water bill to keep those plants green, but we love to garden
anyway, so that is already budgeted.
If this
sounds like a good idea to you, make sure your roof is in good condition
first and be sure to block up your plant supports so there is about 4
inches between the plants and the roof. You will get more bugs. but we
break our normal organic practices and leave ant stakes around the
house- inside and out. For supports we used pallets, trellis, and
plywood. The house stays twenty to thirty degrees cooler in the summer,
************* |
|
A web site of interest
The Corn Palace in Mitchel
South Dakota is sometimes called the worlds largest bird feeder. Local
artists 'paint' huge murals on every part of the building each year.
But instead of using traditional paint, they paint with corn and other
grains. There is a picture of the building at
http://www.cornpalace.com/cornpalace.html
They also have a webcam.
but my computer couldn't access it.
hmm, I wonder, Could I
paint a corn picture on the side of our garden shed? Would I even want
to? It bears thinking of.
*************** |
Riddle
Answer
tomorrow
*************
|
Brain Teaser Answer
The ship made of
wood is heavier. Pound for pound, steel is heavier than wood. If you
want the wood ship to be as strong as the steel one, it will take a
lot more material.
***************** |
|
Say
what’ translated
Every cloud has a silver lining.
***************** |
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